Uphill

Take the next step

“The top of the mountain calls to me and draws me upwards.” – John C. Maxwell.

“Is this your boyfriend?” says the one who has learned the skill of asking uncomfortable questions without concern for environment or context. “No, no he is not. But thank you for asking.” Have you ever had this happen to you? Maybe more times than you would like to admit? Maybe that question has even been asked while you were standing next to a nice fella you wish was your boyfriend.  Maybe you contemplated saying “Why yes, he is” just to see how he would respond. All the while secretly hoping inside he had a similar interest. Maybe he did respond, and with a smile on his face told the lovely someone inquiring of your relational status “It is a rather new relationship, and I am hoping it goes well”. Maybe right now you are wondering if this very specific situation happened to me. To answer that question…no, no it did not. But hey, maybe it happened to you.

Now that I have baited you with such a needless paragraph. Let’s get real.

Every now and then I get the since that I need to write. Clearly I don’t always follow through on this instinct. Writing is not so much of a hobby as it is a bit of a therapy for me. Perhaps just like any other therapy, it may sound nice but actually putting your feet into motion is rather challenging…or in my case…my fingers. Written words are like monsters being let out from underneath your bed…all of a sudden you see them very clearly and get a sense of you that is far to evident and real than you desired it to be. Written words can be therapeutic, but like a teenage girl, whose diary is kept under a pillow… she goes into fight mode as soon as her older sibling discovers the secret thoughts, plans and desires hidden away in her little book. Just as they are holding it high in the air beyond her reach, she uses every ounce of courage and energy she has to reach and release their grip from the binding of her brown leathered journal. (May or may not be speaking from experience).

All of this to say… it’s time to write. To share the current path of the Single Sibling. By no means am I sharing it for you as though I think you really ought to know the thoughts rambling within me. I simply write because perhaps if I do, I will gain a clearer understanding of the mountain which is currently before me. The mountain which I am climbing up the eastward side of, the one whose peak is shadowing over me as the sun is setting.

John C. Maxwell writes “Everything worthwhile is uphill”

What an upsetting statement. Doesn’t he know that there is leisure and fun going downhill? But then he is right…the only way to enjoy going down the playground slide, is to first climb the steps. I have recently discovered a love for hiking. Do not let this statement confuse you into thinking that I am at all knowledgeable or in shape for such challenges…or that I go every weekend. I have simply learned that it is something I greatly enjoy, and yet I also dread. There’s nothing like getting to the top of some awesome hike and seeing the beauty of the world… but I certainly hate the burn that aches my calves in the climb. It seems to me however, that every hike teaches me a lesson. Every uphill stares me in the face and calls me a coward, while every peak is a voice that whispers “Even farther you can go”. While in the meantime my calves are just yelling at me to stop torturing them without the proper training. There is something to hiking that teaches me self-discipline. There is something to climbing high, seeing a view like this that reminds me that every step is worth it.

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Jim Whittaker says “You never conquer the mountain. You only conquer yourself.”

Of all the things I could regret in life, there is one particular thing that has recently been nagging at my brain. It’s a stupid box. In high school, my senior year I did shot-put and discus. Before we began practicing our throwing, we would always do our warm-ups (I think it is rather moronic that it was called a warm-up, because to me it was the hardest part). A portion of our warm-ups involved these three wooden boxes with some sort of sand papery like grip on the top that would help prevent your feet from sliding off. Each box doubled the one before it in size. The goal? To rapidly jump on top of one box, down and up to the next. Sounds great right? No… I am rather small in stature and the third tallest box haunted me like mountain cougar waiting to pounce on its unsuspecting prey. Everyday our coach would stand there with me, encouraging me to jump the box…everyday I would jump with my fear holding me down. Scared of failing, scared of falling, scared of scraping my knees and bleeding from the stupid sand papery top. Everyday I failed, and everyday I settled for walking around the 3rd box.

One day…my coach wouldn’t let me go. One day he stopped everything and waited until I jumped the box. That day, I did it! Whoop whoop! My whole life was changed! I jumped the box. False, I did jump the box…but it was not the success story where I learned to believe in myself. For some reason conquering the box (the mountain) didn’t amount to any change. That was the first and the last time I ever jumped the box. The saddest part, my coach never again made me try to jump the box. I was now allowed to walk around it without even trying. So therefore I did. I never again attempted to jump the 3rd box. I may have conquered it once…but I never conquered myself.

In the mountain I climb now…my greatest fear is the 3rd box that haunts me. Sure, I can climb uphill this one, but will the next one stare me down like that box? It’s in this fear that I see the shadow of the peak overcomes me. It’s in this fear that I see the temptation to begin the descent before it’s time. But there is a whisper inside me, He speaks softly and says to me “the mountains are calling, and you must go.” This journey to come, I don’t know…for much of my life I could clearly see before me what I was climbing towards. Now it seems as though I stare at a precipice before me, and I am forced to make a decision to trust when the Father says “Take the next step”.

In the face of this mountain and the unknown ones in the range beyond, I choose to find my confidence in consistency. I trust in the consistency of my Heavenly Father, I trust that the burn in my calves now, will be training for the mountains to come. I trust that if I focus on consistency, on taking the next step, on looking back for encouragement when I need it, but never lingering in my pause beyond acceptable, He will guide me to the beauty at the summit. Consistency in the right things will help me to conquer the 3rd box…Consistency in my relationship with Christ will lead me to conquer myself.

“Everything worthwhile is uphill”

So where are you going?

-Single Sibling Signing Out.